Mary V (Bankert) Appler

On Thursday, October 10, 2024 Mary V. Appler passed away.  Mary Virginia, as she was known when she was younger, was the daughter of Martin Austin Bankert and Annie Elisabeth (Ward) Bankert. She had two sisters – Betty Mae (deceased), the eldest, and Jane Austin, who is younger. They grew up on Park Drive in Catonsville, MD. In her final years, Mary Virginia returned to Park Drive and lived independently in an apartment in her daughter Beth, and her son-in-law Tom’s house. She was very happy there and felt that she was completing a cycle by living where she spent her youth. She shared her apartment with her cat, Aurora, and her recently departed dogs, Raven and Bailey, and hundreds of books. Mary Virginia read voraciously until her fall on Friday, September 13.

Mary married Robert Leroy Appler, also of Catonsville, on June 15, 1952 in a double wedding ceremony shared with Betty Mae and Wendell Mullen. Mary and Bob lived in a Catonsville apartment until 1956, when they moved into a home designed by Robert that they built on Sand Hill Road in West Friendship, Howard County, MD. This is where they raised their seven children: Martin Steven Appler (whose children are Rachael Brooke Appler & Austin Bankert Appler), Gilbert Keith Appler, Deborah Ann Appler (whose children are Meredith  Barton and Kellen Barton), Gregory Lee Appler, Elizabeth Appler  Gross (whose children are (Zoey, Adde  and Joshua  Gross), Kevin Douglas Appler (whose children are Jordan Appler, Tori Appler, Trevor Appler, Kayla Appler), and Eric Jon Appler, who died in a bicycle accident at the age of 18.

With her husband and kids, Mary had a revolving series of animals, from seven Great Danes at one time to 103 chickens to numerous cats, as well as a continuous series of their kids' friends. The home was in the woods of western Howard County on what was then a dirt road where the kids could roam widely and freely. Mary frequently walked with her kids into the woods to the stream, and many of her kids remain avid hikers.

Mary returned to college and attended the University of Maryland College Park in the early 70’s, where she obtained her Master’s Degree in Education. She was a Reading Specialist in the Howard County School System for many years until her retirement. After Mary and Bob’s retirement (Bob was a physicist with NASA, among other associated companies, and had worked extensively on the Hubble telescope), they retired to a small rancher on Smith Mountain Lake in Huddleston, VA, where they lived for many years.  Bob died in 2005, and Mary stayed in Virginia. She spent many  years living there  afterward. She was very happy and content to be  there on her own until 2017, when she suffered from congestive heart and ultimately, along with her dogs, moved in with Beth and Tom in their Catonsville home.

Mary’s mother, Elisabeth, was a Ward from Southern Maryland off Chaneyville Road near Prince Frederick, MD. Elisabeth’s parents were Julius and Verdie (Hutchins) Ward. The Wards and Hutchins were descended from English settlers who immigrated in the late 1600s and early 1700s. The Ward family lived on their 200-acre farm on the Patuxent River. The rural roads in those days were rough, so most of the travel was by horse-drawn wagon and boat. The mail was delivered by mail boat. They raised their own food and preserved meats, fruits, and vegetables to carry them through the winters. Mary’s grandparents were religious and unwilling to grow the tobacco cash crop that was the staple in the South. Neighbors told them that they would go bankrupt. Instead, they raised and sold produce in Chesapeake Beach to vacationers and were able to put each of their children, including their daughters (very uncommon for that time), through college. Mary’s great-grandfather sold excess dried corn. One day, he had an order for a bushel. He prepared the bushel for the buyer to pick up, but had to leave, and his son met the buyer. The buyer said, “How do I know that’s a full bushel.” Mary’s grandfather said, “Because my father filled it, and you know he’s always honest.” The buyer demanded that it be re-weighed. It was re-weighed, and they found a considerable amount over a bushel. Mary’s grandfather handed the buyer the bag containing the bushel. The buyer said, “But what about what’s left? He meant that for me.” Mary’s grandfather said, “You questioned his honesty. Take the amount you paid for.”

Mary’s father, Martin, grew up in Union Mills where his father, Calvin, ran the Union Mills bank. The Bankerts descended from German immigrants arriving in Philadelphia in 1728 and found their way to the Union Mills area to set up business. Martin grew up in the home next to the bank and later worked in the banking business. He met and married Elisabeth when she took a teaching position near Union Mills. Early in his career Martin left to become a successful businessman with his brother-in-law, Arthur Dowell Anderson of A. D. Anderson Chevrolet, managing the business. The Andersons (also of Calvert County) built a home near the Bankerts in Catonsville, and Mary spent much of her youth there.

These were the people of strong moral, ethical, and religious beliefs who raised the people who raised Mary. They are the ones who helped inform her values. Mary passed on these core values to her children who have tried to live up to them to the best of their abilities. Mary’s children, and grandchildren adored her (as did her students whom she loved and whom she always made feel special, as did family friends and all who knew her).  Each of her children made it a priority to spend time with her, whether it involved getting her to appointments when she chose to stop driving, helping manage her finances (although Mary paid all of her bills, cleaned, did laundry, and had otherwise been independent until her final month), calling faithfully, especially when living far away,  regular calls from overseas included. At home, Mary was content with her books but was always happy to go out to restaurants, plays, concerts, dinner gatherings, trips to Longwood Gardens, beach trips, cabin trips in the mountains, and countless other activities that her children, her sons and daughters-in-law and her grandchildren were honored to take her to. Prior to her move back to Maryland, she had opportunities to visit Keith and his wife Lee overseas (China, and the Emirates), and to travel with her daughter Deborah as well, on a few occasions, for travel related to her academic work (ex. Israel, England) as well as numerous overseas trips with her sister Jane and her husband Jimmy when Bob was still living.

More recently and more routinely, Mary was still happy to go places and take care of basic business whenever she could. She was happy to cover every inch of Costco up until the fall that precipitated her “premature” passing” even at 93. She wanted to experience life as independently as possible, and she insisted on shopping for her own groceries, mailing her own letters, and taking out her own trash, even though it was starting to get more difficult. It was that insistence on doing things on her own that contributed to the fall that ultimately took her life. Mary lived and died on her own terms.

Mary was a gentle, warm, loving, and stoic presence. She played a huge, influential but non-judgmental role in her family’s lives. She accepted them all with grace, dignity, and love. In the weeks before she passed, the hospital rooms, the rehab center, and Lisa and Steve’s home were filled with family almost 24 hours a day who were visiting and just being present for her. Many of them, including her daughter-in-law and a few grandchildren who are nurses (plus a PT in the mix), were even closely involved with the medical care and support that Mary received.

Mary was conversational almost to the end, and she thankfully was able to see all of her children and grandchildren and other extended family, the final visit being the night just before she passed. That night, she watched the news until around 10:30. She wanted to know what was going on in the world. At the end, just after 4am on October 10, 2024, she gave clear instructions to her son, Steve, and her daughter-in-law, Lisa, to make her as comfortable as possible. Mary was an amazing woman, much loved and much missed.

Visitation will be held at the family-owned Candle Light Funeral Home, 1835 Frederick Road, Catonsville, MD (21228) on Monday, October 14th from 2 to 4 pm and 6 to 8 pm. Funeral services will be held at the funeral home on Tuesday, October 15th at 12 noon. Interment Crest Lawn Memorial Gardens. Those desiring to do so may make memorial contributions in her name to the S.P.C.A. 3300 Falls Road, Baltimore, MD (21211)